Hello There

I always thought that blogs were a little weird, but then I realized that writing things down always helped as did sharing. Maybe I just like talking too much, but I guess this way if you don't want to know, you don't have to read and you don't have to worry about being considered rude.

So I have been thinking, I've been thinking that for the past while I've been trying to be something besides what I should be.  I went away from God for a while, I doubted a lot and figured since I was such a lousy Christian He wouldn't want me anyway.  I got caught up a lot in whatever little things were happening to me and some of the bigger things too and stopped seeing what God wanted, what in the end I wanted and started to rely on my feelings instead of on good sense and on God.

But no longer, I have decided.  From now on God is pilot and I know that I'm not going to be great at this, let's be honest here.  There's a lot I don't understand about the Bible let alone life and both of them terrify me, but most of the time it's a thrilling terror.  I can't wait to see what God has in store for me, but sometimes I just want to crawl back under my Doctor Who duvet and listen to Les Mis until the need to pee forces me out from my sanctuary.

I have also decided that I need to stop trying to be a people pleaser.  I do love to help people, I love cooking and hugging and listening and making random things and being maternal.  However, some people seem to just not like me and I need to be ok with it.  When I say I am a freak or weird or crazy I mean it in the best way.  I have no problem with who I am. I am not perfect, but I try every day to be the best person I can be and if my constant trying is not enough for someone then so-be-it. It is enough for God.  I am different. I am random. I am a 20 year old girl who checks out giant books on Salvador Dali, cross stitches, wears a homemade apron every time she walks into the kitchen and has way too much of Much Ado About Nothing and just about all of Lord of the Rings memorized.  I will apologize when I do something douchy or just plain rude. I will make things right when I screw up, but if that is not enough for someone, it is not enough for them.

God has granted me this life to do something amazing for Him. I don't know what exactly it is yet and who knows if some of it has already begun.  But I do know that life is an adventure, not an exact science, but an adventure and it has already started.